September 11, 2006

September 11, 2006

Oh heavens! It is weird how some days are forever engraved into your memory – your visual memory. For me, there are two ‘horrible’ days and two ‘wonderful’ days. The Challenger explosion is seared into my mind’s eye as is the image of the Towers. I remember with Challenger that the UH had splurged and bought a HUGE screen to show the launch. Everyone on the islands was excited as a local boy, Ellison Onizuka, was flying the shuttle. And then… the explosion. I had just walked into the library and had stopped to watch the launch along with a host of other people. For a moment there was absolute silence. No one could believe what had just happened. We stared and, I suspect, all hoped that it was a mistake, a horrible hoax, but then the announcer began to shriek and the moment of paralysis faded and the horror set in. The Challenger was gone. Something of the same sensation hit me when I saw the films of the Towers. I was blithely cleaning up around the apartment that Tom and I shared at the time. It was morning and I had a baby and many minor things to do. Then a phone call: Have you seen the news? I said ‘No’ – I rarely watched the news. It was all too depressing and not the way I wanted to start the day. My friend said ‘Turn it on. Now.’ So, puzzled, I did. And I saw the films. And I couldn’t believe it. It was a scene from a bad Hollywood film, surely. I kept believing that as I gathered up the baby and ran downstairs to my friend’s apartment. She opened the door as I arrived and I said, shaking, ‘its not real, right?’ Her eyes were as horror-filled as my own must’ve been. ‘Its real. They don’t have the death toll yet.’ Gods. All I could think was ‘My baby. What a world I have brought my baby into.’

Then again, the two wonderful days are what one might expect – the days my babies were born. Oh, of course, Jason was born at midnight so he managed to straddle days… Grin. Will never forget how both Tom and the OBGYN agreed that Jason had perfect timing. He was born AFTER Dr. Faulkner’s son’s birthday party – so she was able to be there and he was born BEFORE Tom had to go to work on Monday – so he could take the whole week off. And he was born rapidly – though I will admit, the labor pains didn’t feel ‘rapid’ in the sense of short-lived. While they were going on, they seemed never ending! But four hours and eight minutes is not so bad, all in all. Then there was Xander… Born in the afternoon, again, not a bad time. He was fast too though as my mother delights in pointing out, he was helped a bit, what with the doc rupturing the membranes. Of course I have been assured by friends with more child bearing experience, that doesn’t always work. In Xander’s case, though, it did. Two hours and twelve minutes and there he was, mad as mad could be that someone had interrupted his rest. I was lucky. Both labors were ‘normal’ and both boys healthy and WIDE awake at birth. To this day I am astonished to think that I had anything to do with their existence. They are such complete people already and were, in some sense, from birth. I guess the Universe mitigates horror with joy…

Ah but let me continue in the saga of those boys: Today, as well as being September 11, is the second day of Jason’s kindergarten. Again, Xander and I will put him on the bus – and, no doubt, again Xander will be furious and upset that his baba is leaving without him. He adores his brother and his brother adores him, even when sibling rivalry rears its head and bites them both. Yesterday was a good example of the former. Xander was in an especially loving mood and went around hugging everyone, his big brother included. (Actually, for quite awhile, his big brother was the sole focus. Xander would fling himself on his brother from behind, shrieking ‘BABA’ and hug Jason fiercely. Jason was not entirely pleased with that, but not entirely displeased. ‘I don’t like being grabbed from behind, Xander!’ he finally said. Xander laughed and flung himself forward and Jason, deciding that, if you can’t beat them… turned around just in time to catch him in an equally fierce hug. The two boys tumbled, giggling, to the floor.) It was lovely to watch.