August 27

August 27, 2006

Home again, home again. Tom and I took the boys to the zoo. We had meant to take them to the Pacific Science Center – a place that Jason adores – but we agreed that since it doesn’t open until 10 am, it would be too much of a challenge trying to see it and get Xander home in time for his nap. As it turned out, even the zoo was a bit much. He woke this morning at 6 am – after having fallen asleep at 9! (Jason was gone by 7:30 but poor Xander. He didn’t like his sleeper, he needed to use the loo then he didn’t. He wanted Daddy hugs then Mommy hugs then the loo again… it went on and on until finally he pleaded with me to take him back into his room, sans sleeper. There he fell asleep in my arms and, once he was asleep, I dressed him and settled him in bed. He slept from 9 until 6 without a peep – a truly amazing feat since Jason had nightmares and spent a good portion of the night yelling!) He was a really tired baby. So…on the way home from the zoo, he fell asleep. I started to try to wake him and then decided against it. We came straight home and I maneuvered him into his own bed while Tom took Jason to go get lunch. Whew. But we did have fun. We saw the Jaguar going for his morning swim. We investigated the tropical rain forest and visited the gorillas and we went to the butterfly house. Xander was deeply disappointed that none of the butterflies landed on him this time. The last time we went, they were all over him. The keeper explained that we needed to come back when the butterflies were more active – around 1 pm. Sigh. Right in the center of his napping period AND too far away.


Anyway, Xander is now awake and munching his lunch. When he is done, we have a command performance at Tom’s folks’ house. They bought a grill and want to have a ‘breaking in’ ceremony for it. I wonder who all will be there? And I wonder what the condition of their house will be. They have been in the middle of a large renovation – redoing the ceilings and floors etc. The house has been torn up and in bits for the past several months. Not the most inviting space. Donna acknowledges that and spends as much time as she can away from the house. Such are the joys of home ownership, I guess. We are doing our own renovations – putting wood flooring into the bedrooms and building a raised rose bed in the front yard. Then there is the raised bed in the back that needs to be completed. Of course, all that costs time and money and we seem to have almost none of either these days. A common enough refrain, as I understand it. I begin to understand why people occasionally fantasize about childhood – it wasn’t really easier but the concerns were generally different and they didn’t usually involve taking care of a bunch of other people!

I did tell you, didn’t I? Xander’s new favorite phrase is: “You get back here right this minute, young man!” The scary thing is that when he says it, his speech is very clear and understandable. You should see the looks I get when he chirps it out in public. Why do people insist on looking shocked, I wonder. I could understand amusement but not the raised eyebrow looks I often get. With Jason, people just grinned. Of course, he didn’t chirp out phrases of that sort. Mostly he belted out songs. We would be going down a grocery store aisle and he would suddenly start on a verse of ‘Grand old flag’ or ‘Jingle Bells.’ One Christmas, when he was just over two, we were in Safeway and he started singing his version of Jingle Bells (You know it, no doubt: Jingle Bells, Batman smells, Robin lays an egg…) Anyway, we went past a mom with her three pre-teen sons and when they heard the song, they immediately chimed in. She just rolled her eyes and shook her head. Such is the life of boys.

I remembered another story about Jason – one both sad and funny. It was several weeks back. I was seriously exhausted – a combination of bad allergies, a bad chest cold, and lack of sleep because both boys were sick. I had asked Jason to do something over and over and over again and finally, completely at the end of my rope I screamed at him and grabbing his arm, dragged him to where I wanted him. Then I was horrified, shocked at my behavior. Shudder. It was bad. I sat down and started to cry and Jason came up to me and patted me on the back. “Its okay, mommy.” I said ‘No. It is NOT okay. You are a child. I am an adult. My behavior was inexcusable. I should NEVER behave like that with you, NEVER!’ He patted me again and said ‘It is okay, mommy. You didn’t do anything really bad. You should save up feeling bad for if you do something really stupid like let us run out in front of a car and get run over.’ GAAAKK! He hugged me and I was torn. I was still upset by my behavior but I was also stunned by his philosophical response. Sigh. What can you say to such a child?

The good news is that there hasn’t been a similar situation. Oh I still feel like I am going to go round the bend on occasion – especially when I have had a restless night – but for the most part I manage to maintain some semblance of sanity.

On a different note, I have been thinking and thinking about what to do to make a living. I am still shaking from the possibility of something happening to Tom, to his job. I need to create something to balance that. Relying on one income is just not safe. But the question is what? Tom says, with annoying aplomb, ‘I am sure that when you decide what you are going to do, when you set up your home business, it will be a great success.’ Thanks for the vote of confidence but that is not… helpful. I need to figure out what to do – and I remember my grandfather’s comment (he was a successful entrepreneur). He told me once that the most basic mistake that many would be ‘business’ owners make is that they do not have a five year financial cushion. ‘You need to be able to keep putting money in without expecting money out for at least five years.’ He told me. ‘It may be that you make money immediately. The wise person reinvests that money.’ I do not have a five year cushion, obviously, and until I have a plan I cannot begin targeting money for that cushion. So… I need to work on that. What I really ought to do, I know, is schedule myself the time – just make it a part of the plan. If I don’t, I shall never HAVE the time to do it. Ah well…