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Countdown to Christmas December 12

Heavens. Have a nasty cold. So tired and sick that I lay down on the couch while the boys played. That, of course, could not be allowed. Xander came over and began loading me up with toys. Then he decided that he wanted a hug so he dumped all the toys on the floor and clambered up on top of me. Then Jason decided to get into the act -- 'Lets play hide and seek.' I said 'Fine, as long as I don't have to move.' 'No, you don't have to move.' Said the organizer, 'You just have to count and then look.' So I closed my eyes and counted to ten. I could feel Jason climbing over my feet and crawling under the blanket I had on. Without openning my eyes, I pointed out that that was probably NOT the best place to hide. 'Okay' He got down and went off to hide. I counted to ten and said 'Where, oh where are Xander and Jason?' Xander yelled 'Here me am!' and bounced out. Then I asked 'But where, oh where is Jason?' Xander went straight to his brother (Not a huge surprise since he had followed Jason to begin with!) and said 'Here he is!' The game went on for a good fifteen minutes with that same scenario repeating itself over and over. Finally, Mommy rebelled and decided to feed the children...

Other stories? Well, last night we were discussing nightmares on the way home. Jason was trying to comfort me as regards a very silly nightmare I had had the previous night (it involved tiny robots guarding a house with laser beams). Xander was listening and just as we were getting the boys out of the car, he announced: "I had a nightmare. It about Battle Droids. I couldn't run away and then they pooped on me!" I laughed and laughed because his little face was so serious...

Once in the house, the boys began to discuss Christmas and Christmas presents. 'What do you want, Xander?' 'I don't know' he said. Then, a few moments later, he decided 'Me want a million dollars!' It starts young.

Jason, of course, has discovered the funadamental unfairness of big business. He had his wish list all set -- all the different legos sets that he wanted were on it. Then we went to the Legos store and there were a whole new batch of Bionicles! He said, in exasperation, 'Well, how am I supposed to get the legos I want if they keep adding more?' I said 'Been there kid. I wanted to read all the books in the library (am still trying!) and was disgusted to find out that they kept buying more!' He just looked at me, not blinking, waiting for me to come back to the important point. I said 'You don't really need anymore legos. You have about a billion (that statement has come back to haunt me repeatedly, I might add! He keeps wanting to know PRECISELY how many legos he has. One of these days, we will have to count them.) and I am sure that you could build most anything they have here. He cocked his head and thought about it, for all of a minute, then said (ala his father), 'Well, I probably have most of the bits but they always add new SPECIAL pieces and I don't have those!' Sad thing is, he is right about that. Wish legos would just sell bundles of their 'special' bits!

Remembered stories

Thinking about stories from my children's past, I remember the one about the airplanes coming to dinner...

The story happened when Jason was just about two: We had gone to have lunch with daddy. On the way home, Jason was, to my knowledge, busily 'reading' one of his books in his car seat. All of a sudden a small two year old voice piped up 'Uh oh, mommy, the airplanes are coming to dinner.' Blindsided, I gaped. 'The airplanes?' 'Umm hmm.' He was quite satisfied with my reaction. Not that this was the first time. A few days prior he had told me that he had invited the Baseball Bugs over. And mind you, this is a Jason theme. He is still inviting folks -- if he likes you, he invites you -- for a playdate, for his birthday, for Christmas... He gets a lot of smiles, especially from the adults he invites. The kids, I think, take him as seriously as he intends it...

Course, kids have their own perspective. I remember taking Jason over to his friend, Rowan's house, and on our way home, I was treated to a discourse on bowel movements. After listening with increasing amazement, I asked 'How do you know all this?' He replied 'Oh, Rowan and I talked about it. He had diarreah last night.' Yikes!

December 5

Jason had a lot of fun at his karate class. It was the same instructor as before -- and Tom was impressed by her calmness in the face of 3-5 year old distraction. 'She just kept them going, never let them get bored and didn't focus on what they were doing wrong. She just redirected them.' He is right. In this way, she is a good teacher for children in this age group. She has four children of her own (all older now) and seems to have developed a tolerance for noise and chaos.

Xander, on the other hand, was, as was expected, highly indignant about not being allowed to participate. When he threw an unholy fit about not being allowed to go into the dojo, I took him. "I WANT TO SIT ON THE BENCH AND WATCH!" he told me, once it was clear that he couldn't play with his bahbah. So we went in. Daddy hugged him. Xander watched. Then Daddy and Xander went for a walk. Then Mommy and Xander went for a walk. And Jason ran and talked and laughed. It was lovely to see. Then we fed them Taco Time ('I WANT A CHICKEN CRUNCHY TACO!' said my youngest. Then, upon seeing his brother eating a soft beef taco, he asked indignantly 'WHERE'S MY SOFT TACO?' I told him 'You said Crunchy Chicken.' 'NO' He looked at me then 'I HAVE BITE OF YOURS?' Hmmm...and so he did... and did...and did. :>

December 4, 2006 - awed reply

Well, I have heard about blogging. I will not write on this one often, just wanted to register my presence and delight in the Dean grandchildren -- and their parents as well. Next step, Jenn, is pictures of the family and the raised bed which Tom built. Flyi'n Granny, AKA 'ama

December 3, 2006

One should be careful what one says. This is becoming a refrain, isn't it? I was telling Jason last night that, since he is wearing big boy underwear at night, if he needs to pee, he should go straight to the bathroom. I had made the mistake of not yet having put Xander's nighttime diaper on. He was listening intently and the next thing I knew, there was this little fountain going... all over the living room floor! Yikes. Sigh.

In other news, I do have a Xander story from the night before last. We had gone to meet Tom for dinner at a favorite local Teriyaki restaurant. Afterwards, we loaded the boys into the Merc and I got set to go home. But when I tried to pull out of the parking space, not one but TWO cars sped up and zoomed around me. The second one scared me silly because I was, in fact, in motion when he whipt around behind me. I let fly, I admit, muttering darkly about idiots and stupid people. Jason asked why I was getting so upset? I responded that, not only had the driver's behavior been just plain bad manners, it had also been stupid and dangerous and that I didn't like the thought of someone running into us because people would have gotten hurt. So... brief silence as I merged onto the road then, from the back of the car, 'Mommy, do you understand me? You mustn't run into people. It is Stupid and Dangerous! Do you understand me?' I was torn between cracking up and growling. What is one to do with such a child? Jason, of course, just laughs and laughs. He finds his brother to be a walking riot.

December 4, 2006

Do you ever have days where you think you'd be better off crawling back into bed and starting over? Well, it has been one of those sorts of days for me. The boys slept fairly well -- I went in at Midnight and discovered both of them had crawled half off their beds so I reinserted them into beds and undercovers but then they slept until 5:20. I woke suddenly, out of a very deep sleep, at 4 am when Tom's alarm went off. Had the hardest time dragging myself up and out. Tom, also, had a bit of a hard start. But he got himself fed and out the door and just shortly after he left, the boys woke.

The morning started slowly because I was so tired. Finally, around 6:30, in desperation because I just couldn't stay awake, I told the boys that I would put on a video (I know, evil!) and then I was going to take a half hour nap. It wasn't 5 minutes, though, before Jason yelled that the DVD had frozen up. Sigh... so I dragged myself up and came out to look. The upshot of that was that I ended up moving the Entertainment center, dusting (Cough and choke!), removing the old DVD and Video players and installing the new one I had bought for Tom's use (with much helpful advice and commentary from my eldest son). With trepidition, we turned the system on. It works, though I suspect I may have hooked up the sound system strangely... But then the DVD hung again! I cleaned it and it worked. By this time, however, I had surrendered to the fact that I was not going to get any sleep. The boys were agitating to go to the gym (I know, sad, isn't it?) So I got them shod and clothed and off we went. They played happily while I worked out then I collected them (with a certain amount of bribery to get Xander out the door) and we went to the indoor playspace. The boys ran and jumped and rode tricycles for about an hour. Then, after a quick snack of animal crackers and apple juice, we ran to the grocery to collect Xander's meds. That took much longer than expected and it was nearing lunch time when we arrived home. So I fed them -- Quesadilla for Jason, Tortilla for Xander. Then books and naps. When Jason woke, we took all the coins out of his piggy bank and, after he had sorted all the coins into their requisite piles, he counted them back into the bank. I recorded the numbers and when he was done, using a combination of addition and multiplication, Jason figured out the value of his coins. He had a little coaching from Mom but I am very impressed with how he is doing. He then came out and played a few minutes of computer games before his little brother woke. The boys are now snacking on Raisin Bran and water. Soon we shall have to load back in the car to go into Fairwood where Jason's martial arts class is being held. Tom will meet us there at 4 and stay to watch Jason while I take Xander somewhere else... he will be very unhappy not to be 'doing' with his brother but he is not yet quite old enough...

November 30

Good Morning

Boys are still asleep -- though I have been hearing yells from the bedroom. My sons are both 'active' and 'vocal' sleepers. It makes it hard, sometimes, to know if I should go in or if that would just wake them up...

At any rate, Tom is off to work. Snow has changed to rain though they are thinking there may be more snow this afternoon. I am more worried about ice, to be truthful, and about the drivers who, now that the visible dangers are lessened may not be as careful. Ah well, Life will go on.

Remembered a funny story, and a telling one. Be careful what you read to your children -- this story makes that clear. Let me explain: I have been reading the Milne poems to the boys. One of their favorites is called "The King's Breakfast" -- you know it: The King asked the Queen and the Queen asked the Dairymaid... Well Xander knows that poem quite by heart and has taken to announcing, whenever he wants butter on his bread, 'Mommy, you are the Dairymaid. I am the King!' Hmmmm. Always suspected that 'the naming of things is a difficult matter' -- one needs to be careful. In our case, we named him for Saints and Czars, Kingly folk all and he is certainly determined to live up to that idea!

At any rate, despite snow and cold, we did have some fun yesterday. The front door is now decorated with paper snowflakes while the wreathe that Tom and Jason made on Thanksgiving day adorns the side wall. Jason did quite a bit of math yesterday -- when I told them I would read them books, he collected a pile. I had him count them and then, as we read, he practiced his subtraction. He has also been getting practice adding with the whole points system and is so fascinated by adding numbers that he will, out of the blue, present math questions to me. Then we go back and figure out how to answer them. One of these days I shall have to buy that Numeric Scrabble game for the boys -- and I include Tom in that group!

The boys also amused themselves shooting balloons around the room -- I was trying to get dinner ready and had handed over the hand pump to Xander (He wanted to pump his OWN BOON!). He couldn't get it to work and asked his brother for help (We have been encouraging Xander to ask Jason for assistence and encouraging Jason to help. This may backfire on us, of course...) Jason happily took over the pump and, to the boys' mutual amusement, began pumping up then releasing balloons. It kept them busy until CRASH, a bottle of Salsa exploded in the pantry when it fell off a shelf as I was reaching for something else. Then, as I was attempting to clean that up, the door bell rang. Jason answered it and called me over. It was our neighbor from across the street: "Your pipes broke, I think" she said, pointing at the front of the house. Sure enough, water was spraying the street, the driveway, the front yard. I called Tom, as I was uncertain where the water shut off valve was. 'I'll be home in a very short time.' he said 'but the valve is around the side of the house near the electrical outlet (HUH?!)' So I went and found it but I must've turned it the wrong way because nothing worked. Then Tom came home and shut it off. The 'good' news is that he does not think it was the pipes but rather the valve in the sprinkler system. Still I shudder to think how much water has been lost and what that is going to cost us. On the other hand, it simply confirmed in Jason's mind that his Daddy is a hero who can do anything. 'I knew Daddy could fix it, Mom!' he said, smiling sweetly.

opps. a boy is calling.

November 29 2006

So now I shall begin just writing, rather than just cutting and pasting from old letters.

At the moments Jason is busily cutting snowflakes. We are supposedly doing a Unit study of the Rainforest but decided to take a break from that topic just for today... the weather being what it is! And what is it? Well, this morning it was 20 degrees farenheit in Seattle, and that not including wind chill! Tom, who had stayed home yesterday due to dangerous road conditions, decided brave the wicked weather and go to work. Brrr... it took him an hour and 40 minutes instead of an hour...

So far today we have read some rainforest stories, some Pooh stories and some Droon stories, we have made marshmellow snowmen, fed the squirrels and birds, have done some shopping (yes, I actually drove!), have cut snow flakes and snow angels, and have watched a bit of a Veggie Tales movie. Okay, I admit, I succumbed to the use of the electronic babysitter! I was trying to straighten out a problem on the phone and needed no distractions.

Now we are going to hang the angels and flakes then we shall do some crash pad dancing and balloon soccer. Hugs to all!

November 27 letter

November 27, 2006

So far the boys have had an energetic day. We went to the gym this morning – it took us 25 minutes to make a 5 minute drive. The reason? The school buses weren’t running. Turns out that SOME parents were called by their children’s drivers and some weren’t. Andrea and crew were amongst those NOT contacted. Anyway, for all those folks who were called, the parents ended up driving their children to school. The traffic was, as a result, backed up all the way to Covington.

At the gym, the boys played in the room while I sat on a recumbent bike and cycled for 20 minutes. Jason and Xander were delighted with the process because they got to meet and play with other children. Indeed, Xander didn’t want to leave. He was having too much fun.

We then went to Fred Meyer (using backroads) where we bought food for lunch and dinner and some supplies for our day’s craft project. When we got home, I sent the boys out into the backyard to play in the remnants of the snow while I prepared lunch. (They had teriyaki noodles and fruit). After lunch, we read a few books and then, while Jason lay down and listened to Harry Potter, Xander went down for his nap. Once Xander was down, Jason and I worked on his reading, then I read some to him, then he played one of his new learning computer games. While he did the latter, I washed and cleaned. After a bit, he turned off the computer and we began our Rain Forest project – beads. Jason also made a dragonfly out of pipe cleaners. The beads are drying. Tomorrow we will paint and thread them. Next Jason worked on his writing of letters. I actually have some film of him writing (and singing the letter sounds) while Xander illustrates next to him. Now Jason is busily cutting out shapes and Xander is drawing on the chair… I really should stop this and get him down. Excuse me.

November 22 letter

November 22, 2006

Back again and the rivers are nigh to overflowing. Each day starts out, it seems, with the promise of sunshine. But it is cold sunshine. Then, when it seems as if, maybe, just maybe, it will have warmed up enough to be sane to go outside, the rains come. As you can imagine, with two very active little boys, this becomes something of a challenge, especially since their mother is intensely cold sensitive and their father has been having to work late most everyday. I did take them to a playspace yesterday but Jason is really getting too big for those places, I fear. On the other hand, Xander was thrilled to bits to have his brother paying attention to him, and charged around behind his beloved ‘bahbah’, following every direction with delight. I shall have to come up with a better solution. We have taken the boys outside, of course, despite the rain and cold conditions but again, Jason has rather out grown the backyard – and the parks are not really safe as the play equipment is very slippery when wet. Sigh. Such are the challenges of parenthood, I suppose.

Now on to stories. I have two Xander stories and then I shall tell you the Jason ones. First, Xander is tricky. He has been trying to come up with solutions to his mother’s (and father’s) habit of denying his requests. The other day, he told me that he wanted to watch a movie. I said ‘Not today.’ He thought about that, hard, for a few moments and then announced ‘Mommy, you are Xander and I am Mommy.’ I shrugged, ‘okay’ I said, not thinking through the implications. ‘Xander, you go to bed. I am going to watch a mobee!’ I looked at him, he looked hopeful. I said, in the guise of Xander ‘But I don’t WANT to go to bed!’ ‘You go to bed!’ he said firmly ‘You too little!’ Hmmm… He has tried that switch tactic a couple of times without much success.

My other Xander story is related to poetry that we read to the boys. Have you ever read the A.A. Milne poem ‘The King’? The first line is ‘The King told the Queen and the Queen told the Dairymaid, ‘Could we have some butter for the Royal slice of bread?’ I think we may have read that poem a bit too often for the other night at dinner, little mister announced: “Mommy, I am King.” I blinked. “Okay” “You are Dairymaid. I want butter for my bread!” He has the most impressive memory, that child. He already has his ‘favorite’ books memorized, as well as quite a few of his brother’s favorites. I shouldn’t be surprised if he were to be an early reader…

He did quite well, actually, when Tom and I dropped him off at my friend, Andrea’s house. She had offered to watch the boys so that Tom and I could go out to celebrate our anniversary. We only went for two hours – we took the boys after Xander’s nap and had to collect them by 4:30 as it was Jon’s birthday (Andrea’s husband). According to Andrea, Xander asked once ‘Where’d my Mommy go?’ She responded ‘She went to get coffee. She will be back soon.’ He said ‘Okay’ and went back to the much more interesting business of following his big brother, his brother’s friend, Rowan, and Rowan’s little brother, Colin, around. So that was a relief.

There are other Xander stories, I am sure, but those are the two that stand out – oh, except for the fact that he is now in his ‘big boy’ bed – something that delights him no end, and so far, he has done quite well in that bed. If I remember the others while writing I shall, of course, include them!

As for Jason, we are taking him out of school effective immediately. The meeting with his teacher was a fiasco. We were met not just by his teacher but by his teacher, the Principal and the Dean of Students. (The latter was clearly uncomfortable and actually disagreed with the Principal regarding Jason at one point.) The upshot of the whole thing was that the Principal, a cold stone bitch, has decided that Jason is ‘trouble’ and a ‘problem.’ There was nothing, in her commentary, that demonstrated that she had any awareness or concern for him as a person, a child, an individual. There was also no attempt at any sort of ‘plan’ to remedy the situation, just a lot of ‘we don’t want trouble’ and ‘we don’t want this to become a serious problem’ and ‘you need to talk to him about this at home.’ And what was ‘this’? Hmmm… well, there was concern that he doesn’t draw representational pictures consistently. My response to that was ‘Tell him that you want him to draw a picture that you will recognize.’ He is quite capable of that, but unless so directed, he draws his ‘impressions’ of things. Then there was concern about his paying attention in class. After listening to the teacher’s review of Jason’s class work in which she told us that Jason had already met/exceeded more than 75% of the minimum expectations for the entire year, Tom asked what sorts of options Jason had to prevent boredom. She said ‘Oh, Jason doesn’t get bored. He always finds something to do.’ But that, as my husband pointed out, is the root of the problem. He has completed whatever she set him to do and now… what? I can see that it is a ‘problem’ for her but it is a problem that she, as his teacher, needs to be able to resolve.

November 15 letter

November 15, 2006

We definitely need to take Jason out of school. Yesterday when I went to collect him, his teacher had me wait so that she could talk to me. Apparently Jason had a ‘bad’ day: He brought a stick into class (I knew about this. It was a very neat stick, shaped like a bow. He wanted to keep it so that he could make a bow when he got home. I told him he could do so as long as he put it into his backpack and left it there.) and was showing it to the other children. When the teacher asked for the stick, he said ‘No’ – a flat out refusal that shocked her. So she took away the stick. At that, he melted. Started crying and crawled under a table, refusing to come out. She was at a loss and called for the school counselor. The counselor was no where to be found so someone from the office came down and removed Jason from class. Once he was calm, she returned him to class. There he continued to have a hard day because he (in his teacher’s words) ‘couldn’t keep his hands to himself.’ Then at recess, he got into trouble because he was following a group of girls around, asking if they would play with him. After we got home, I spoke with him about the incident. “I was only showing it to the other kids, mommy” he said about the stick. Then he explained that the teacher, when she wants kids to be quiet, tells them to take a bubble out of the air and hold it in their mouths without breaking it. “But mommy, I can’t. I do it” he showed me how, “and then I can’t breathe.” He was holding his breath. I explained that the bubble was a pretend bubble and that he didn’t really have to hold his breath. He was not convinced. He further explained that, on the playground, the recess teacher told him to be quiet but that if he kept his mouth shut (Made me wonder what phrase the teacher had used to him!), he couldn’t breathe because his nose was all stuff up. I said, “I think you can probably breathe through your mouth so long as you aren’t talking.” “NO!” he was adamant. The teacher told him to keep his mouth shut. I hugged him and said ‘It sounds like you had a really hard day.’ Then he said something that broke my heart. He said ‘Everyday is a bad day.’ Now I know that Jason is prone to exaggeration – gets that trait from his mother – and I know that there have been days at school when he has enjoyed himself. But that statement, coupled with Tom’s observation that the only things that Jason talks about as fun with regards to school are the times he has recess, make me really concerned. This is NOT the way it should be. The teacher is a nice lady but overwhelmed. She has just come out of teaching preschool into a classroom of very varied kindergarteners – and she has 24 of them with no real help. I have only been in the class the one time but I was struck by her need to maintain ‘order’ as opposed to working with the flow of the children. I realize that, in order to really be a good kindergarten teacher, one needs experience. The ones I have seen who are good ARE experienced. That said, I don’t want my child to be part of the early experiment. He has his learning to do and I want him to enjoy it, to see school as the great adventure. He is not. He was soooo excited initially and now he begs to stay home. Sigh.

On a happier note, you should’ve seen us yesterday afternoon. There I was, helping Jason work on his drawing and talking to Mom when all of a sudden a giggling streak went by. It was Xander. He had striped off ALL his clothes – and I mean ALL! Jason cracked up and Xander was delighted. “I am Captain Underpanties!!!” he shrieked and took off down the hall. I corralled him and said “Do you need to use the potty? NO? Then you need to AT LEAST wear your underwear.” Put them on him, turned around and zip, he had them off and was running around shrieking again. Jason was rolling at this point. I grabbed Xander again and said ‘Captain Underpanties IS Captain Underpanties BECAUSE he is wearing underpants!” Xander appeared to accept this and then, next thing I know, he is standing there asking for help. He had taken his pull ups off, then tried to put them back on – but had ended up with both legs through one hole. He was torn between being upset and giggling. Jason, on the other hand, had no doubts. He was just plain laughing.

November 13 letter

November 13, 2006

Hullo

The letter writing loony is back again. We will see how long this letter goes on, shan’t we?

News: Well, the winter colds have descended. Alexander and I have had the bug for the past eight days – I started off with Laryngitis which then progressed into chest congestion. Nasty stuff that – I have a cough that hits hardest when I first lie down. For three nights, there, I was coughing so hard that I just didn’t sleep. Indeed, Tom went into the guest room because the violence of my coughing was keeping him awake. Now I still have the cough and a sore throat has set in. Sigh. Xander, on the other hand, has a slightly different scenario going. He never developed the laryngitis nor the lying down cough. In his case, the cough hits when he exerts himself. Indeed, when we took himself and his brother to the playspace at a nearby mall, Xander, after running for about 3 minutes, began to cough. He coughed so hard that he threw up! Poor baby. He was very upset by the whole thing – especially when his parents then stopped him from playing. Parents can be such irrational beasties, doncha know!

The good news (knock wood hard!) is that, so far, neither Tom nor Jason has succumbed to the bug. Jason skirted the edge of it but managed to keep his balance and did not fall off the precipice. Tom also seems to be doing a fairly good balancing act. He was sneezing a bit and complained briefly of a sore throat but appears to have recovered. We can but hope.

Meanwhile the weather continues to make me dream of Hawaii – rain, rain, endless rain. Indeed the rivers around Washington have been flooding and shall continue to do so if the rain continues. Luckily we live well above the nearby river/lake so our house, at least, is not at risk. There are advantages, it seems, to NOT owning river front property. Grin. And of course the skies are grey as grey can be. Xander longs to go outside and periodically we take him out. The problem is that the cold air makes his breathing rougher. Jason, on the other hand, is generally NOT inclined to go out – at least initially. Once out, he plays quite happily. Of course, the fact that his normal speed is full speed ahead means that he generally does not get cold.

Jason is a precocious child but for all that he is five. He has developed (since starting kindergarten) a distressing fascination for the word ‘poop’ – especially since saying the word is guaranteed to make his littler brother giggle. One should never underestimate the power of brotherly amusement. In an attempt to improve Jason’s attention to parental wishes, we have started a points system. (We are also using it to teach Jason arithmetic.) For each time he listens and responds promptly and appropriately, Jason receives one point. For each time he argues, ignores or drags his feet, he loses one point. At the end of the day, we tally up each column then subtract the latter from the former. The points are tracked for a week. At the end of the week, the points are once again tallied. Jason then has options: he can get the same amount in pennies (for his piggy bank) as he has points, he can save up points for a monthly tally, or he can get a small reward (a book, a tool, a plant for his garden…). He is fascinated by the process and is, I think, actually learning his math. He is also learning to make decisions about how to ‘spend’ his points. Moreover, the process seems to be working – it keeps us aware of how generally helpful and agreeable Jason actually is, it rewards him for being so and at the same time, it provides a graphic representation of misbehavior. We will see how it fairs in the long term: at the moment it seems to be working.

We are also still thinking of taking Jason out of Kindergarten. The reasons for doing so are many: He has indicated that he would prefer to not go, his brother would definitely prefer he not go, and I am concerned about what precisely he is learning. It seems to me that the primary purpose of schooling at this age is to train children to be still. That is just plain unnatural and in a country with a growing obesity epidemic, it seems to me to be criminally foolish. Though it may sound egoistical, I think that, when it comes down to it, Tom and I can provide a better academic atmosphere – and with the time freed up, we can enroll Jason in classes from which we know he will benefit (swimming, karate, piano). We have a parent teacher conference coming up on the 14th. We will make our decision after that. All I can say is that I am definitely leaning in the direction of removing him. I wanted him to go so that he would have children of his own age with whom to play but since they only get to ‘play’ for about 15 minutes of the time they are there, that seems to be less of a success. I just need to be more aggressive about finding play dates for him.

Shrug. My shoulders hurt. I did something to the bicep of my right arm – and of course, it hasn’t really had a chance to heal since I am constantly picking boys up and swinging them (or other heavy items) around. Besides, I tend to carry all my tension/stress in my shoulders. Was told by a PT once that I was the only person she’d ever met who walked with her shoulders. (She had asked me to rotate my ankle and I had tensed my shoulders first). I figure it has something to do with the braces I wore as a child and with the three months I spent on crutches learning to walk when I was a pre-teen. Nothing to be done about that now except to unlearn those behaviors. Easier said than done, however. There really is something to that old saying: Begin as you mean to go on. Much easier to learn to do things the right way than to have to unlearn bad habits and then learn new ones. And that is something I try to keep in mind when dealing with the boys… not that I always succeed, of course.

Jason has developed a passion (as has his father) for a series called ‘Captain underpants.’ I think Tom gets as much of a kick out of reading the books as Jason does listening to them. At any rate, they have inspired Jason to begin writing his own comic book. Should be an interesting one, if he keeps it up. He has an enormous imagination and, when he focuses, quite a bit of artistic ability. His little brother is also delighted by the idea of Captain Underpants – though in Xander’s case, Captain Underpants has become ‘Captain Underwear!’ He loves to strip down to his diaper and then to run about the house shouting ‘I am Captain Underwear!’ It does make for a change from his being Nemo…

November 14, 2006
Early morning computer time – though I keep hearing baby noises.. it is 5:11 am. Amazingly enough, Xander had one fussy period last night – around 2 am. He settled though, after I draped his bean bag bunny over him. They are really amazing things, those bunnies. One puts them in the microwave, heats them for two minutes and they come out warm and smelling of lavender. They stay warm for hours and thus make wonderful bed buddies… so wonderful, in fact, that I am going to get one for each of the children on my Christmas list!

October 18 Letter

October 18, 2006
Stories, stories, stories: what stories do I have for you? Today, when we came to collect Jason, he informed us that he had made a new friend ‘Jackson Ryan O’Malley’ – and that, I might add, is the boy’s name – not just Jackson or Jack or Ryan – no! Jackson Ryan O’Malley. Jason was quite delighted, not simply because he had made a new friend but because he and his new friend got to play a boardgame called ‘Candyland.’ That is the game that figured in one of the early Jason stories – the one where he HAD been going to play Candyland with his friend, Taylor, but then Taylor and another girl got into an argument about the rules and by the time they had thrashed out an acceptable solution, the time for playing games was up and Jason didn’t get to play… Sigh. Life is SOOO rough when you are five. Of course, as I pointed out to Jason, similar situations occur in the adult workplace… At any rate, Jason apparently had a good day at school, for which I am infinitely grateful.

October 17 letter

October 17, 2006

An earthquake hit the Hawaiian Islands, as you know doubt know. My brother and family are fine – without electricity but otherwise intact. My friend Tove, who lives in Kamuela on the Big Island, is also fine but her house is in shambles. Everything on the floor, she said, and all the windows and glass shattered. I worry for her and for her husband, Butch. They are both in their 60s now, Tove has an auto-immune disease and Butch has recently suffered a series of small strokes. Having to deal with the aftermath of the quake, 6.8 the first one with a series of ‘smaller’ aftershocks, cannot be easy for either of them. Of course, I talked to Tove on the phone and Jason, overhearing the discussion, wanted to know all about earthquakes. So we discussed quakes and what one should do in the event of a quake. It seemed a logical sort of discussion to have, Seattle being periodically hit by quakes. It made sense to me to start teaching Jason, and Xander by osmosis, that panic in an emergency is not the best response. Better to know what to do, to practice it, and then, if the time comes, to act on what you have been taught to do.

Last night was a bit rough – I know, I know, nothing new. Xander started waking at 10, then 12, then 2 then 4. What made the whole thing different was two things – before going to bed, I had given him some Ibuprofen as he is teething something fierce, but as he was falling asleep, he kept complaining that his ear hurt and asking me to press my hand against it. The other difference was that two of the four times he woke, he was standing up in the crib, trying to climb out… ARGGGH! So I need to think seriously about taking him to the doctor. And I need to decide if I am going to take Jason to school first or if I will keep him home. I am tempted to do the latter – Jason’s breathing last night was very crackly and harsh. I would hate for him to miss out on any projects or fun things in school but I have a strong suspicion that Jason himself would not mind missing school. That worries me. I so want him to enjoy school yet these days he seems terribly sad. Not that, once we are there, he hesitates to go to class. Sometimes when we pick him up he is full of excitement about things done but not usually. So I will see how boys are when they wake. One of the hardest things about interrupted sleep is that it makes decision making harder. Weird but true, I find that my mind is slower and that things that, when I am well rested, are simple decisions become far more complicated when I am tired.

Not that I am complaining, mind you. In some ways I feel very lucky. Just heard, on the news, that good ole’ Tom Cruise is upset that his fiancée has not regained her pre-pregnancy figure and so has hired a team of nannies to care for the baby while Holmes works out with a personal trainer. Now if he did this so that she can do something that SHE wants to do, that is fine and loving and wouldn’t most women want the opportunity, at least occasionally, to get away and focus on themselves for a bit. But if Cruise did it for himself, because of his ‘image’ of the way Katie Holmes should look, well then that sucks big time. What an awful feeling it would be to have the father of your child being critical of your appearance soon after you had delivered a baby. Perspective, perspective. And then there was the news that an 8 year old is missing in a mountain park, has been since Saturday, and the snow and cold have shut down rescue operations at least temporarily… I see things like that and am thankful that the biggest problems we face are sleep deprivation and colds!

So...

I kept both boys home today -- Jason from school and Xander from swimming. Jason was soooo sad and told me that 'while I slept all night in my own bed, I didn't sleep well. I had nightmares.' He looked so tired, dark circles and tears. And his nose was running and he was sneezing a bunch but the clincher was his immediate agreement to taking a nap. He also allowed as how he was having a hard time at school because 'I don't understand all their rules!' He then gave me examples of the rules that confuse him and I went through the thinking behind the rules. He was not entirely convinced ('They have this rule that you have to walk down the hill from the playground -- but the path is all twisty and curvy and you just HAVE TO run!' I suggested that he imagine what it would be like if his entire class ran screaming down the hill. He grinned. Then I said 'What do YOU think would happen?' He thought a moment and said 'People might fall and get hurt.' I said 'Yes. And the school has a job, to protect kids from getting hurt. That is why there is that rule.' ) The rules he was complaining about were reasonable rules for a classroom but evidently no one had bothered to explain the reasoning behind them and you know Jason -- He needs to understand. In Xander's case, I put some swim ear in his left ear and he immediately fussed 'It HURTS!' So, diagnosis simple "outer ear infection." Didn't think that swimming was good idea.

So we went to the grocery (and dropped off the consignment stuff) and on the way, in response to Xander's very loud demand, we stopped and got the boys' hair cut. First Xander's -- because he was the one who wanted it done. Then Jason's -- because once he saw Xander having it done, he thought it a good idea. Both boys were remarkably well behaved, to the relief of the stylist, I suspect. She kept repeating how good they were, over and over in an astonished tone (grin). The boys are having 'homemade Subway' sandwiches and cookies for lunch. They both have a passion for olives and between them have polished off the better part of a can of said items. Once meals are done, I will get them both lying down for naps then get my cleaning done... or so I hope!

Anyway, I have given Jason Ibuprofen this am (for a sore throat and sore tooth) and will give Xander some before naps. We will see how both are doing this afternoon. Wish us luck and have a good day yourselves!

October 15 letter

October 15, 2006

5:27 am
Everyone else is asleep. Tom stayed up late gaming (computer/phone) while the boys were both gone to sleep by 8 pm. I was wiped so I went to bed shortly after they did. Amazingly enough, for the second night in a row, they both slept. Alex fussed a bit at midnight and at 3 (I was awake, of course, waiting for the sound!) but he didn’t wake. I went in, patted him and recovered both himself and his brother with their blankets. (They have a tendency to kick them off then wake up because they are cold…) But now, I am awake. Couldn’t sleep any longer, though my body was not really ready to get up. Wish I had a Jacuzzi – grin – wouldn’t that be nice? To go crawl into warm and bubbling water in the quiet dark and just relax? Sounds like a little slice of heaven to me. Ah well…

The other day, while Alex was sleeping and Jason was playing his game, I snatched a few moments to read the local rag. In it was an obituary for a child Jason’s age, a little boy. They didn’t say why or how he had died just that he would be missed and I found myself crying and crying and crying. Jason came out and found me and was very worried. I explained that I was crying for the child and for his parents and for empathy – the thought of losing either of my sons is terrifying and things like that bring the feelings into sharp focus. What is unnerving to me is to see the number of obituaries for young children appearing in the local newspaper in recent months – and I do mean ‘local’! This particular paper serves the towns of Maple Valley, Black Diamond and Hobart. It is printed in a little falling down old building on the outskirts of Maple Valley and has no editor. (We know this because the quality of the writing/articles is so incredibly bad. Simple grammar errors and misspellings abound.) My theory is that there are a lot of families with young children in the area, more than there were in places like Shoreline, where Tom and I lived when Jason was born. Or maybe I am just more sensitive to this sort of thing. At any rate, I need to stop reading that section of the paper, I think. It does me no good anyway!

Sigh. What news then, besides my maudlin early morning ramblings? Hmmm… Well Jason continues to amaze. His latest ‘invention’ is a legos flashlight – he built it using bits and pieces from his various kits. He also discovered that if he attaches a piece of plastic tubing to the flashlight, the light runs through the tube and appears at the end. I thought it amazingly clever. Tom, of course, took a look and began to explain the mechanical properties, ending with the statement that Jason’s invention was an early form of fiber optics. Jason, as one might expect, looked rather blank at this… grin.

And Xander: what can one say about Xander? He is himself. He is in love with the characters of Winnie the Pooh, especially with Roo and Tigger. He likes to cast himself as Roo and his brother as Tigger, which, if you ask me, is a fairly accurate casting! I found, in the huge stash of stuffed toys that we have somehow accumulated, a stuffed kangaroo – I think it is one that my father brought Jason from his trip to Australia. At any rate, thinking to be helpful, I gave the plush animal to Xander. Big mistake. He wants the joey to come out of the pocket – and it doesn’t. He is quite adamant about this and the battle of the joey is ongoing. I have suggested to my mother that if she is looking for a Christmas gift for this child, a plush Roo would be an excellent choice! Knowing Xander and his passions, he is unlikely to have lost interest in the subject even by Christmas!

According to my mother, Xander’s erstwhile cousin Zach has discovered his ‘twoness’ as well. His favorite phrase these days is ‘my not like dat!’ Sigh. Then my mother suggested to Maggie that it might be a good idea to get Xander and Zach together! I told her that I thought that that would be a situation which would require the very focused attention of at least four adults – there is no telling what the two of them would get into. Tom, on the other hand, said that an encounter between the boys might well devolve into a battle of ‘me no like that’ versus ‘my don’t like dat!’ Again, I say ‘Hmmmm.’

October 13 letter

October 13, 2006

Okay, it has been awhile since I wrote. Sigh. Time does run on. In the two weeks since I last sat down at the computer this way, life has taken over. Tom started his new position yesterday – which means he now leaves the house at 5 am instead of 5:30 and so far he is still getting home late…

Yesterday, Jason had soccer practice. Tom, though he left about half an hour late, raced home to be here in time to take Jason. But Jason, saying that he had a sore throat, decided that he didn’t want to go to soccer practice. He was looking terribly tired, has been, in fact for quite a long time, so we didn’t push it. Instead, after an unsuccessful meal of Ham and scalloped potatoes (‘I don’t like all that mushy stuff’ Jason announced, without having tasted it and Xander, taking his cue from his brother said ‘I don’t like dat!’), we took the boys – in one car – to the park. Once there, of course, where he could see all the soccer players, Jason decided he DID want to play. Tom, gracious man that he is, asked if I was okay with the two boys on my own (HUH?! I do it every day!) then raced back home to collect the stuff. By the time he got back to the park, the practice had started. Because Tom wasn’t there initially, I was running about, playing soccer with Jason and Xander. That wasn’t a bad thing, mind you, though it probably wasn’t optimal as I had ankle braces on both ankles and was wearing the wrong sort of shoes for running… Paid for it. Woke this morning feeling as if someone had kicked me in my right ankle… sigh. But the boys had a good time. Xander was delighted to be playing soccer with his big brother’s team. He was running and shrieking, he even played a few moments with the coach! Then the ‘official’ practice started, with Tom being ref, and Xander had to sit on the sidelines. He was NOT happy with that until I gave him my cell phone. Then he was happily distracted, calling grandma Pat (and having Mom cancel the calls!) and anyone else he could find. At any rate, because we only had one car, I didn’t get Xander home as early. Jason was okay with taking a quick shower so that he would have time for books but not Xander. Nope, no way. He HAD to have a bath. So he had one and was chagrined to discover that that meant his book time was reduced. Nothing is easy when you are little.

Of course, little is a relative term. Xander may be small in stature but he is as big as a lion in his own mind. For example, we took Tom out for dinner on Wednesday – Jason’s idea – and when most everyone was finished, the waitress asked ‘Do you want the bill?’ I said ‘Yes’ and as I said it, a little voice piped up ‘No, we are still eating!’ Sure enough, it was Xander and he was still eating. Then there was the balloon incident: we were at the grocery store when Xander noticed one of those huge mylar balloons, this one of Elmo. ‘Mommy’ he gasped in a reverent hush, ‘BOON!!!’ He pointed. I looked and nodded and said ‘Yes, that is quite a balloon.’ ‘Pease’ he begged ‘Me have dat boon?’ I looked again, those things run about 20$, and said ‘For your next birthday, maybe we can get you a balloon like that.’ He cocked his head, studying me and the balloon, then nodded and began to sing ‘Happy Birthday to me…’ I had to laugh. I shook my head and said ‘Not yet. But you can sing ‘Happy UNBirthday to me’’ He grinned and sang ‘Happy Birthday to Mommy.’ The child never gives up.

And Jason. I don’t know. He is so tired these days it worries me. I am not sure if it is school or the fact that he eats like a bird while burning energy like a buick or maybe the combination. I do know that we have a parent-teacher conference next Tuesday and the teacher’s wording when she requested the conference was somewhat ominous. We will find out what is what. Donna has kindly agreed to come watch the boys while Tom and I go to the conference. I so want Jason to enjoy school, maybe because my memories of it are less than stellar. I remember only too well being bored to tears, completing assignments up to a year in advance. (There was the Spanish class where I took a year’s worth of tests in the space of one day, my first grade class where – in a deal with the senior teacher – I read all the reading boxes in the space of two days so that I could be left alone to read my Issac Asimov novels, the computer science class where I wrote our assignment in 15 minutes and spent the rest of the class reading something else entirely.) I have told myself that we will see how he does and if he is truly unhappy, I will take him out, enroll him in the ‘virtual’ kindergarten that is offered and then get him into Montessori for first grade. I was hoping that he would, at least, have an opportunity to play with children his own age but they seem to spend an inordinate amount of time making the kids sit quietly… Doesn’t make any sense to me. Learning to sit is fine but at age five? Oh well, don’t want to get started on that soap box. Suffice it to say that I worry. Jason is so funny, so bright and so kind. He told me a story that disturbed me somewhat. He said that they (his class) were in gym and were involved in some sort of competition. Jason apparently commented that he didn’t understand why people were getting upset ‘Its all a game anyway’ he said ‘Its about having fun.’ His classmates were apparently shocked at this attitude and, as a body, yelled back ‘NO! Its about WINNING!’ Jason was honestly puzzled. When he plays (everything except chess), he is more interested in the game than in the end result. He plays soccer to have fun. He cheers whenever ANYONE scores a goal, whether the person is on his team or on the other team. He is not particularly focused on being the one who scores the goal, though he certainly enjoys doing so.

October 1 letter

October 1, 2006

Had planned to take the boys to the ‘Fish Zoo’ (as the aquarium is designated in our family) while Tom and Jeff worked on building the raised bed but on the return trip from coffee this morning, there was a grinding sound coming from the car. Decided that it was wiser to stick closer to home and drive locally, to see if the sound stayed around. Now, though we have gone out on two brief trips, the sound seems to have resolved – thank heavens! We have already spent far too much money on cars this year… not to mention on home repairs.

But that is not what I started to write. I have yet another story and this one makes me smile an astonished smile when I think of it. This morning Jason and Xander were playing together. Jason had suggested that they play dress up: Xander was a bear, Jason a chef. So, well and good. The amazing part came shortly into their game. Jason informed me that his restaurant, which must’ve been quite large, was used in part (the back part) to house homeless families – 96 families to be precise, and many of them with sick children. ‘I heard people being mean to them and laughing at them and I thought ‘that is not right’ so I decided to use the back part of my restaurant for them. They have beds to sleep in and right now I am making them cherry cakes. Cherry cakes,’ he explained confidingly, ‘make people feel better when they are sick.’ I was rather stunned. It was such generous impulse and, though I am ashamed to admit it, one he has come up with all himself. I cannot claim any credit for having been so generous an example. Though in retrospect, I shouldn’t be surprised. Jason is one of the most loving souls I have ever known. It is entirely in keeping with his personality.

In other news, Xander is definitely better. He only woke once last night – from 2 am to 3am and then he was all chat. His naps have been their normal duration of late and he has been waking up smiling and chirping, again, his normal pattern. I am relieved. I have taken him off of the Axid and the Benedryl though I am still giving cough medicines since the cough is still, periodically, making an appearance. Jason also is sleeping better. Yesterday he slept for 12 ½ hours. Last night only 11 but it was a restful sleep and he woke up generally happy, for which I am very grateful. We will see how school treats him. He did tell me, Friday, that he played soccer and basketball with one of the other boys from his class during recess – a step in the right direction. And he did quite well at soccer on Saturday – though the ground was a muddy, slippery mess, he managed to score two goals – one of them by simply running the whole length of the field in front of the pack and kicking it in. Twas an interesting game, especially since one of the boys on the other team seemed to prefer slide tackles as a method for getting the ball. Tom, who was refereeing, called them fouls. He says that at this level of play there is no point to getting into all the nit picky elements of such things. His concern, and rightly so, is that the game be played as safely as possible – therefore such things as tackles and deliberate pushing are automatic fouls. I got some of it on film but much of the film is a mess – I kept getting excited and shrieking or having to grab Xander when HE got excited and so the camera was all over the place. Many of the shots are of grass or of players’ feet…

September 27 letter

September 27, 2006

And time goes on. I see that it has been a couple of days since last I wrote. Hard to believe – though I admit to being so tired that time is not looking the same. Yesterday morning, for example, I ‘awoke’ (if that is the right word since sleeping was little done), to discover that I had made ‘coffee’ but forgotten the coffee part. Yes, I set up the auto-drip system, put the water in… and so we had a nice, hot pot of water at 4:45 am. Sigh. I keep telling myself that it will get better. It has to do, don’t you think?

Anyway, have a few new stories to add to the list. Here is one that you might appreciate – though at the time, I don’t know that I found it as funny!

The other evening I was getting Xander ready for bed. I was tired and crotchety, to say the least. No surprise then that when Jason, full of five year old bounce from his bath with Daddy, came charging into the living room full of news, I was less than enthusiastic. "MOMMY!!! I HAVE AN IDEA!" Jason, wait please. I am trying (Grunt) to get your brother (NO MOMMY NO YOU CAN'T!!!) dressed! (GASP)' "BUT MOMMY, I HAVE AN IDEA AND I DISCUSSED IT WITH DADDY AND HE THINKS ITS A GOOD IDEA BUT HE SAID YOU HAD TO AGREE!" Jason, NOT NOW!'(Grabbing a squirming yelling bundle of Xander as he launched himself from the changing table). Downcast, he waited. Then,'Now Mommy?' 'What is it, Jason?' 'Well, I thought that I could get PLUSES when I was GOOD and when I wasn't good then I wouldn't get any and Icould save them up!' (Xander was yelling now because he didn't WANT to be dressed!) 'Jason, I will think about it but not right no... W!' "But Mommy, it is a REALLY GOOD IDEA and it will help me learn..." 'Jason' "MOMMY!" 'I am not going to discuss anything right now, not this, not philosophy, not NOW!" (GRUNT). Jason tilted his head and said, blue eyes limpid, 'When do you want to discuss philosophy Mommy?' Tom, who had had his own struggles going, getting Jason dressed while Jason was trying to talk with me said firmly, 'Jason, there are times when you should just drop a subject and this is one of them!' We bundled the boys off to bed but the subject was not finished. Just as he was dropping off to sleep, Jason said 'Mommy, think about it tonight and you can tell me the answer tomorrow.'

I am still tired, though last night was somewhat better than the night before, so I have yet to consider Jason’s suggestion. We will see what happens.

Tomorrow I am to go in for volunteer training – 45 minutes during which I will fill out paperwork and watch two videos. Once that is all done – and the approval goes through – then I shall be able to (1)volunteer to help in the classroom, (2)help with field trips and/or (3)attend class parties. Should be interesting, at any rate. Donna has kindly agreed to come out and stay with Xander while I do this. She has also suggested that I take the time between the end of training and picking Jason up (about 50 minutes, I think) and go do something for myself. I have agreed. Think I will hit the library, maybe get some writing done. Sigh again.

Other stories: Well, Xander’s ‘one day’ phrase is getting quite a work out. Today he looked at me thoughtfully and said ‘One day, when I be big boy, I won’t be little boy anymore.’ ‘Ah,’ I responded, ‘And when you aren’t a little boy, what will you be?’ He looked a bit exasperated and said ‘I be big boy, Mommy!’ I had to laugh at him, he was sooooo serious. It does seem to be a serious topic with him these days, however, so perhaps I shouldn’t laugh.

The good news is that the cold seems to be going away. His nose is still runny but the stuff coming out is not green and his cough, while it does sound awful, does not sound nearly as bad as did. He took a two hour nap yesterday and slept from 7:48 – 12:00 last night, woke briefly to ask for water, then slept until 3:30 when he began a waking ‘thing’ He finally went completely back to sleep about 5 am, after I picked him up and rocked him a bit, and then he slept until nearly 7:30 am.

Breaking news is that Tom is being transferred to a new job – Did I mention this? He will be working in propulsion systems. When I asked about job security – a big issue when one works for Boeing – he said that as long as Boeing was putting engines in airplanes, propulsion systems would be around. He will have a longer commute since PropSys is up at Boeing field in Seattle but it won’t be nearly as long as if he had to drive to Everett each day.

September 25 letter

September 25, 2006

Back again – so tired I could cry. Xander has gotten another of his colds. At first his sleep was disturbed by these really awful sounding coughs. I dosed him with Albuterol and saline and cough meds at night and that stopped being the problem but then he began having nightmares – because even with all the stuff and the humidifier going, he still was horribly congested. So the nights have been disrupted, to say the least. This morning, however, it is Jason who woke at 4:45 am. Sigh. The real problem is that, without sufficient sleep, we all become grumpy.

At any rate, Jason is enjoying school. ‘I have two girl friends’ he tells me solemnly. And whenever he thinks about not going to school, for fear that he is missing something fun at home, I suppose, he generally decides that he really SHOULD go to school – ‘otherwise Brooke and Taylor will miss me.’

Looking back, I realize that I have not told you one of my favorite Jason school stories: I asked Jason the other day about playing with boys – since his companions appear to be all girls. He sighed deeply and shook his head. ‘I am having trouble putting the boy troop together.’ He said, blue eyes pensive. ‘I do have one helper, he is my executive sergeant.’ I blinked, a bit surprised at the language. ‘Your executive sergeant?’ I repeated dumbly. ‘Yes,’ he said, ‘he sits beside me on the playground and we discuss strategy. When we need another person on the field, I send him in.’ ‘Don’t you play on the field?’ I asked, rather concerned at the image. He looked VERY patiently at me. ‘No, mommy. I’m the general. I am too important.’ ‘What precisely does the general do?’ I asked, fascinated despite myself. ‘He watches the action and when more soldiers are needed, he sends them in. Of course, I am a better general than the last one.’ ‘Really’ I said, curious to see where this was leading. ‘Oh yes,’ he nodded, ‘I hold planning meetings. I get everyone together, we discuss situations, decide what to do and then go and do it. The last general before me just sent men in.’ ‘Ah’ was all I could come up with as a response. What do you say to such a statement, after all? What puzzles me is where he is getting the military language…

Other than that, Jason has been playing soccer. The first two games were all his. In the first game, several Saturdays ago, he scored all three goals for his team. Then weekend before last, he scored all five goals. He was amazing to watch, not aggressively shoving to get the ball, just slipping his foot into the scrum, sneaking the ball out with his toe and then dribbling it down to the goal while all the kids in the scrum looked about in confusion –‘where’d the ball go?’ This past Saturday, however, he was very down in the weather – so tired that you could see it when he walked and played. He did well in picking himself up from knock downs but he was not in top form. Neither was Xander, what with the cold, but while he was watching from the sidelines, he conceived a new desire. ‘One day’ he told Jason’s coach solemnly, ‘I be played on soccer team with my big bahbah.’ Of course, earlier that day, as he watched me cut up oranges for the half time snack, he had told me ‘One day (his current favorite introductory phrase!) I be play on bunk ball team and you make orni for me.’ So we have the forecast for Xander’s future. As to Jason’s soccer career, who knows? As I said, he is not an ‘aggressive’ player – he doesn’t bludgeon his way in the way his teammates do but for all that, he has his foot on the ball a greater percentage of the time. So we will see. Tom is generally very impressed with him and so are others who watch the games. It amuses me no end because I have one friend who, when Jason was much littler and learning to walk, looked at him and said ‘You will just have to accept that Jason won’t be much of an athlete.’ (This based on the fact that his static balance sucked. His dynamic balance, on the other hand, is remarkable.) The truth that I have come to accept is that when Jason gets focused on something, he is quite capable of learning whatever that something is. His ability to focus is astonishing.

This weekend, and the one previous, Tom has been working on widening the front walkway. With the help of a friend, John Rose, and with Jason’s kind assistance, Tom dug two trenches, one on either side of the sidewalk, filled them with gravel and sand and laid down paving stones. His next project is to build a walkway across in front of the house. Then he will set to work on the raised bed for my roses. We plan to put in an arbor over the walkway as well. When it is done, it should be quite attractive. But it is work and it is time and it is most definitely money. On the other hand, the roses have been waiting for over a year – Tom had promised me a rose garden for my last birthday but one… I will have to take pictures and send them off once the work is more complete.

Hmmm… what other news? Well, it appears that Matt and family will be making the long trek from Minnesota to Tucson for Christmas. They are looking into doing it by train. That is brave. Trains are wonderful, no doubt, but they are a lot of work – what with having to get luggage on and off yourself and given that there is no direct route from Minnesota to Arizona, they will be doing that a lot. That isn’t so big a deal, if you are one person – or even a couple of adults but two adults and three little people, one of whom is newly born. Yikes. On the other hand, my brother and sister-in-law are quite the intrepid couple. I am sure that it will go well for them. Much as we would like to, we will not be joining them in Tucson this year. Too many bills for house repairs. Course, if we won the lottery… grin. Not likely, especially without a ticket!

September 20 letter

September 20, 2006

Has it only been a week since last I wrote? Amazing. It feels like it has been longer, or at any rate, that I have aged dramatically in the intervening period! Jason has now been in school for almost two weeks. The bus riding experiment appears to have been a failure. Jason informed me that there are too many people on the bus – and given the fact that when I went to meet him at school, he was amongst the last to get to his class, I take that to mean that when it comes time to get off the bus, the bigger kids crowd up and off first. He gets disoriented in the swirling masses and has to go find a bus monitor to get him redirected to class. I am proud of him that he figured out what to do and how to handle the situation but there is, at least at present, no need for him to continue to do so. Xander is much happier taking Jason to school. Jason is happier having us take him. Seems the solution is right there before me.

And that reminds me of something that happened yesterday that still has me smiling. Xander was a very tired little boy yesterday. Everything reduced him to tears – the clothes he had on, the food he ate, the toys he was playing with, but most especially saying ‘goodbye’ to his big brother. Jason was distressed by Xander’s tears and said ‘Xander, you have to let me go to school – I promise I will make you something special but I can only do that if I go to school.’ Xander was not mollified but Jason went off to class anyway. That afternoon, when we came to collect Jason, he came marching up to us, all smiles. ‘I have something special for Xander in my backpack’ he said, fishing inside it. ‘Let’s wait until we get home’ I suggested. Jason was not entirely satisfied with this but he waited. The moment we got home, he stopped inside the doorway and opened his backpack. Reaching in, he pulled out… a book! The school had had a bookfair and I had given him some money to buy a couple of books for himself. He had done so but he had also gone looking for a book for his brother. Xander was so delighted with the book that (1)I had to read it to him immediately and (2)he took it to bed with him when he went down for his nap – he fell asleep still holding on to it. Jason is amazing. It was such a sweet and thoughtful thing to do and it meant the world to his little brother.

I am sure that there are other tales to tell from the past week. The sad thing is that I am so tired at the moment, I have a hard time typing, let alone remembering what happened in the recent past. Last night was hard – the stereo in the boys’ room decided to quit so I had to go in, after they were asleep, and bang around setting up a new one. Then multiple times during the night, one or the other of the boys cried out with nightmares. That meant, of course, that I was up and down about every hour/hour and a half, soothing a child. Jason, who usually sleeps until 7, awoke at 4:40 this morning. Xander, who usually wakes about this time, is still asleep. Sigh. We will see how the day goes. The extra bedroom is pretty much ready. All we have to do is to move the crib. Then Xander will have his own room and there won’t be the concern that one boy will wake the other. Tom is not convinced that this is the best solution. He would rather keep the room as a playroom, a place to locate all the toys that have taken over the living room but then, he is not the one who has to get up repeatedly during the night to quite the boys so they don’t wake each other. I am hoping that, once they are apart, they will start sleeping better and maybe, just maybe, we will be able to move them back into the same room. Wish us luck.

We are here in Maple Valley for at least another year or two. I am rather dreading that, truth be told. There has been so much new construction in the area and the surface roads are not designed to handle the traffic flow. Already the road into MV from Renton is getting worse and worse. I dread to think what it will be like once the three new housing projects are finished and filled. Moreover, while the Tahoma School district currently has a good reputation, that is subject to change. Kent used to be good then there was huge influx of people who wanted to take advantage of it – but there was not enough money to handle the sudden overflow of students and so the district fell very far down the scale. Ah well, we will see what we will see.

September 11, 2006

September 11, 2006

Oh heavens! It is weird how some days are forever engraved into your memory – your visual memory. For me, there are two ‘horrible’ days and two ‘wonderful’ days. The Challenger explosion is seared into my mind’s eye as is the image of the Towers. I remember with Challenger that the UH had splurged and bought a HUGE screen to show the launch. Everyone on the islands was excited as a local boy, Ellison Onizuka, was flying the shuttle. And then… the explosion. I had just walked into the library and had stopped to watch the launch along with a host of other people. For a moment there was absolute silence. No one could believe what had just happened. We stared and, I suspect, all hoped that it was a mistake, a horrible hoax, but then the announcer began to shriek and the moment of paralysis faded and the horror set in. The Challenger was gone. Something of the same sensation hit me when I saw the films of the Towers. I was blithely cleaning up around the apartment that Tom and I shared at the time. It was morning and I had a baby and many minor things to do. Then a phone call: Have you seen the news? I said ‘No’ – I rarely watched the news. It was all too depressing and not the way I wanted to start the day. My friend said ‘Turn it on. Now.’ So, puzzled, I did. And I saw the films. And I couldn’t believe it. It was a scene from a bad Hollywood film, surely. I kept believing that as I gathered up the baby and ran downstairs to my friend’s apartment. She opened the door as I arrived and I said, shaking, ‘its not real, right?’ Her eyes were as horror-filled as my own must’ve been. ‘Its real. They don’t have the death toll yet.’ Gods. All I could think was ‘My baby. What a world I have brought my baby into.’

Then again, the two wonderful days are what one might expect – the days my babies were born. Oh, of course, Jason was born at midnight so he managed to straddle days… Grin. Will never forget how both Tom and the OBGYN agreed that Jason had perfect timing. He was born AFTER Dr. Faulkner’s son’s birthday party – so she was able to be there and he was born BEFORE Tom had to go to work on Monday – so he could take the whole week off. And he was born rapidly – though I will admit, the labor pains didn’t feel ‘rapid’ in the sense of short-lived. While they were going on, they seemed never ending! But four hours and eight minutes is not so bad, all in all. Then there was Xander… Born in the afternoon, again, not a bad time. He was fast too though as my mother delights in pointing out, he was helped a bit, what with the doc rupturing the membranes. Of course I have been assured by friends with more child bearing experience, that doesn’t always work. In Xander’s case, though, it did. Two hours and twelve minutes and there he was, mad as mad could be that someone had interrupted his rest. I was lucky. Both labors were ‘normal’ and both boys healthy and WIDE awake at birth. To this day I am astonished to think that I had anything to do with their existence. They are such complete people already and were, in some sense, from birth. I guess the Universe mitigates horror with joy…

Ah but let me continue in the saga of those boys: Today, as well as being September 11, is the second day of Jason’s kindergarten. Again, Xander and I will put him on the bus – and, no doubt, again Xander will be furious and upset that his baba is leaving without him. He adores his brother and his brother adores him, even when sibling rivalry rears its head and bites them both. Yesterday was a good example of the former. Xander was in an especially loving mood and went around hugging everyone, his big brother included. (Actually, for quite awhile, his big brother was the sole focus. Xander would fling himself on his brother from behind, shrieking ‘BABA’ and hug Jason fiercely. Jason was not entirely pleased with that, but not entirely displeased. ‘I don’t like being grabbed from behind, Xander!’ he finally said. Xander laughed and flung himself forward and Jason, deciding that, if you can’t beat them… turned around just in time to catch him in an equally fierce hug. The two boys tumbled, giggling, to the floor.) It was lovely to watch.

September 8

September 8, 2006

The day I have dreaded has arrived. Today Jason starts kindergarten at Lake Wilderness. I am nervous for a lot of reasons – not the least of which is the class size, 21 kids and one teacher and, I suspect, at least some of those kids will be special needs kids. Lake Wilderness is THE special needs school in the area. Moreover, this teacher is relatively new to both teaching kindergarten (1 year experience) and to the school district itself. But we will see. And, of course, Jason is to ride the bus to school…

But, shake that off. I have a few funny ‘don’t you just love five year olds’ stories for you. The first occurred while we were out shopping at a local ‘everything’ (i.e. grocery + department) store. Just as we got into line to pay for the groceries, Jason spotted one of his favorite, now ex, classmates. ‘HI ABBEY!’ he yelled. Abbey’s mother pointed at Jason and said ‘Abbey, say Hi to Jason.’ Abbey did. Then her mother got into the line next to ours and the three children – yes, three. You didn’t think Xander could be left out, did you? – began chatting. At one point, apparently, they were discussing setting up a play date and my ever so precious five year old said, solemnly, ‘Yeah, but probably not at my house. It’s a mess!’ Sigh.

Then there was the discussion that Jason and Xander were having in the back of the car the other day. Or rather, Jason was laying out a plan of future attack and Xander was chirping agreement. It went something like this ‘And then you will do this and I will do this and then we will rule the world. Only, we don’t want to rule the world, that’d be too much work, so we will just fix it.’ Xander listened to this philosophical commentary and said ‘Pease give me dat, bah bah?’ Turned out that Jason had a deflating yellow balloon that Xander considered his own. Jason tossed it to him and continued on with his contemplations about life, the universe, and everything. Tom, who was driving, rolled his eyes at me. I just shrugged. What can you do?

Finally, yesterday was ‘orientation.’ Parents and children went to the classroom to meet the teacher and hear something about the way things are going to work. (Turns out that the class numbers are so large that they ended up splitting the orientation session into two separate groups!) While the parents were ‘oriented’ the kids were taken out to the playground. At the end of the session the kids came back – straggled back might be a better description. Some showed up to the front door, some to the back door and my son was no where to be seen. ‘Where is my son?’ I asked the monitor. ‘He probably went with the other class.’ She said resignedly, ‘I’ll go find him.’ And around the corner comes Jason at a run. I took one look at him and said ‘Do you need to use the potty?’ ‘Yes’ he gasped out, his face an alarming shade of red. Off we went. Once his immediate needs had been handled, I asked ‘Why didn’t you tell someone that you needed to use the potty?’ ‘I didn’t know who to ask.’ He replied sensibly. I said ‘Well, in the future you can ask one of the folks in the orange vests or you can ask your teacher.’ ‘What if my teacher is talking to someone else?’ he inquired, his brow wrinkled with concern. ‘Why don’t you ask her?’ I suggested. ‘Okay’ So he marched over to the teacher. She was, in fact, in the middle of talking with someone else but when she had a moment, I said ‘Jason has a question.’ ‘Yes’ she inquired, looking at him expectantly. He asked his question and she nodded. ‘We will be learning sign language.’ She said ‘If you need to use the potty, you make this sign and I will tell you that you can go with this sign.’ I held my tongue but it occurred to me that whether one was using sign or speech, in order for a need or concern to be communicated, both people need to be aware of each other. If the teacher is, in fact, concentrating on what another person is saying, how likely is it that she will be looking up and able to see a ‘sign’? Ah well. Time will tell. I did explain to her that when Jason says he needs to go, he NEEDS to go. It isn’t a ‘wait until it is convenient’ sort of situation. Hopefully she will keep that in mind. Just in case, I am sending a change of clothes.

As for Xander, he continues to be amazing. Yesterday, when we were outside, he announced to me that he was a ‘baby spiderweb’ and I was a ‘mommy spiderweb’ and I, the mommy spiderweb was to push the baby spider web in swing. I am an obedient mommy, in whatever incarnation, so I obeyed. What else was I to do? I have learned, from watching interactions between Jason and Xander, that arguing personalities with Xander doesn’t work… The other day, Xander told Jason ‘No’ over some subject and Jason was just devastated. I asked him what was wrong and he said, tears in his voice, that he had wanted to do such and such and Xander had said ‘No!’ Tom looked at me in exasperation and asked plaintively, ‘He isn’t bothered when we say ‘no’ – he hardly even acknowledges it but when his brother tells him ‘no’ it is a major catastrophe?’ I explained that Xander had the authority of absolute conviction on his side….

September 6

September 6, 2006

Don’t know how much time I will have to write this am. I can hear waking noises from my youngest even as I type. He had a bit of a hard night last night – woke at midnight coughing (again), though not the horrible gargling cough of other nights. Then he woke at 3:30 and 4, calling for Mommy. That too was understandable. I had gone away twice yesterday – once to take Jason’s to his kindergarten assessment and once to go have therapy done on my right foot. So he was missing mommy yesterday, even though he had nonna in the morning and daddy in the afternoon.

Just back. Right about 5:30 both boys yelled for me. So I went in. Have spent the last half hour soothing them back down. Both need the sleep. Think I succeeded with Xander. Am not so sure about Jason, though at the moment all is quiet. We will see shortly, no doubt.

As I mentioned, Jason had his assessment yesterday. The teacher, Heather Dean, is young. She had been teaching preschool then took a year and a half off when her son was born before returning to teach kindergarten. We will see how she does. I am a little concerned. There are 21 kids in her class, Lake Wilderness is the magnet school for special needs kids, and … well, we will see. I would be happier if Jason were in a Montessori school. Need to sit this weekend and see about trying to work the budget for that. At any rate the assessment seemed to go well. Jason was his usual bright and funny self. I was seated on the other side of the room, filling out paperwork and laughing softly as I listened to his answers. She asked him, for example, where one begins to read a book and he looked at her in mild astonishment and said ‘Why, at the beginning, of course!’ ‘Where is the beginning?’ she asked him. ‘At the front of the book.’ He answered her, giving her a very odd look. She just nodded and went on to the next series of questions. I suppose those were valid questions. There are languages where the answers would not have been correct. But he was funny…

September 4 letter

September 4, 2006

Labor Day

How weird! It is labor day. Tomorrow Jason goes in for his ‘assessment’, then on Thursday he has his ‘orientation’ – whatever that means!, then on Friday he finally starts school. I am of two minds about the whole ‘bus’ thing. I should dearly love to ride the bus with him, at least at the beginning, but I don’t think that they have things set up for that and besides, if I did ride out there I would need to take Xander and we would need a way to get back. Sigh. But I would really rather he had one ‘new’ experience at a time. Seems like an awful lot of ‘newness’ to be riding the bus and starting school for the first time all on the same day. Maybe I am being over protective as one person is constantly telling me. Sigh. I just don’t know.

On an entirely different note, I do have a few stories to tell. The first one is just plain funny.

The other day, while Jason worked seriously on building Axonn (A bionicle creature from the Legos universe), Xander sat at the dining room table ‘drawing.’ He is my artist child – loves play dough and painting and drawing. He’d been working a bit when he called to me (I was in the kitchen, cleaning as usual!): “Mommy, draw me purple boon!” “You want me to draw a purple balloon?” “Yep!” “Okay” So, like the dutiful mom I am, I walked out and drew him a purple balloon then went back to cleaning. A moment later, “Mommy, draw me new purple boon.” “You want a new purple balloon? Why? I just drew one!” “That one popped.” I think my jaw must’ve dropped. A purple balloon drawing had popped? But I am well trained so out I came and drew the balloon. He considered it for a long moment then “Draw Xander crying because purple boon popped, pease Mommy?” So I drew Xander crying. He nodded, consideringly. “Now draw Nani hugging Xander crying because he purple boon popped.” Ummm…. I did so. He was satisfied with his storyboard and went back to his own work, all the while talking to his drawings confidingly. I just shook my head and laughed and went back to my own work.

The next story is not so much funny as realistic… Poor Xander has been quite sick these past couple of days. Just three days (or nights, more accurately!) ago, I was up eight times – first with Jason at 9:30. (He’s been having nightmares.) then from about 10 pm on with Xander. The littlest one has had a horrendous cough. And that cough was so bad that his naps suffered – first it diminished from 1 ½ hours – 2 hours down to 45 minutes, then, on the following day, that collapsed to 15 minutes. He was coughing so hard, and choking with it, that he just couldn’t sleep. And, as you might imagine, that left him desperately tired and very fragile. That second night, we got the boys to bed by 7:30 – both of them were so tired that they fell asleep within 10 minutes of lights out. But at 8 pm, Xander began to cough. As I listened to him on the monitor, I began to really worry. His breathing, when he wasn’t coughing, sounded horrible. Worried both about him and about the possibility that his coughing would wake Jason, I went in and collected him. He was so very asleep that he didn’t wake, even though he was coughing so hard that his body was shaking with it. Even when I took his temp, he did not wake. There was no fever, thank heavens, so pneumonia was less of a concern. But as I carried him back to our bedroom and lay down with him, I was listening to the quality of his cough. He sounded like he was choking on liquid, and swallowing in-between coughs in an attempt to deal with it. Lying there, in the dark, as that hot little body coughed and shook against my own, it suddenly hit me. He was refluxing. It had been awhile since last I had him on the Prevacid. I had thought that the reflux was done with. Most children outgrow it by there second year. Yet here was a sound that I recognized. The next morning I fed him his first dose of Prevacid and at nap time I gave him tyleonol (he was fussing at his ears). That day, yesterday, he slept 2 ½ hours. Last night he slept from 8 until 10 before he had a coughing fit but after that fit, he did not have another. And though he has had a couple of minor ones today, he seems to be doing a whole lot better. Xander has his two year check on Sept 15 so, barring a series relapse, I think I shall just keep him on the Prevacid and we will see how it goes. What coughing he has been doing has sounded more *normal* (i.e. without the choking sound) than previously so I am assuming that it is a reaction to the irritation caused by the reflux. I am kicking myself fairly hard today, however. I remember reading that ‘silent reflux’ – that is, the type that doesn’t result in the baby/child/adult spitting up, the type where the fluids simply come up the throat and are swallowed, has been implicated in the development of asthma. I should, no doubt, have been more proactive, should have kept him on the Prevacid. I didn’t because I just hate the thought of filling that little body with poisons – and that, after all, is precisely what medications are – judiciously administered poisons, perhaps, but poisons nonetheless. Ah well… hindsight is 20/20, or so they say.

On the other hand, good news: Matt and Maggie have had their third child. Judah Kyrios McKnight was born two days ago by C-Section. Ky has been welcomed happily into his family. His sister, Hope, has been telling all who will listen how she is now a ‘double big sister’ and Zach is busily defending his brother’s name. (Apparently the ‘dults were having a discussion regarding nicknames and Zach became quite vocal in his brother’s defense ‘He already HAS a name. He is baby Judah!’ So there! Aren’t two year olds wonderful?)

August 27

August 27, 2006

Home again, home again. Tom and I took the boys to the zoo. We had meant to take them to the Pacific Science Center – a place that Jason adores – but we agreed that since it doesn’t open until 10 am, it would be too much of a challenge trying to see it and get Xander home in time for his nap. As it turned out, even the zoo was a bit much. He woke this morning at 6 am – after having fallen asleep at 9! (Jason was gone by 7:30 but poor Xander. He didn’t like his sleeper, he needed to use the loo then he didn’t. He wanted Daddy hugs then Mommy hugs then the loo again… it went on and on until finally he pleaded with me to take him back into his room, sans sleeper. There he fell asleep in my arms and, once he was asleep, I dressed him and settled him in bed. He slept from 9 until 6 without a peep – a truly amazing feat since Jason had nightmares and spent a good portion of the night yelling!) He was a really tired baby. So…on the way home from the zoo, he fell asleep. I started to try to wake him and then decided against it. We came straight home and I maneuvered him into his own bed while Tom took Jason to go get lunch. Whew. But we did have fun. We saw the Jaguar going for his morning swim. We investigated the tropical rain forest and visited the gorillas and we went to the butterfly house. Xander was deeply disappointed that none of the butterflies landed on him this time. The last time we went, they were all over him. The keeper explained that we needed to come back when the butterflies were more active – around 1 pm. Sigh. Right in the center of his napping period AND too far away.


Anyway, Xander is now awake and munching his lunch. When he is done, we have a command performance at Tom’s folks’ house. They bought a grill and want to have a ‘breaking in’ ceremony for it. I wonder who all will be there? And I wonder what the condition of their house will be. They have been in the middle of a large renovation – redoing the ceilings and floors etc. The house has been torn up and in bits for the past several months. Not the most inviting space. Donna acknowledges that and spends as much time as she can away from the house. Such are the joys of home ownership, I guess. We are doing our own renovations – putting wood flooring into the bedrooms and building a raised rose bed in the front yard. Then there is the raised bed in the back that needs to be completed. Of course, all that costs time and money and we seem to have almost none of either these days. A common enough refrain, as I understand it. I begin to understand why people occasionally fantasize about childhood – it wasn’t really easier but the concerns were generally different and they didn’t usually involve taking care of a bunch of other people!

I did tell you, didn’t I? Xander’s new favorite phrase is: “You get back here right this minute, young man!” The scary thing is that when he says it, his speech is very clear and understandable. You should see the looks I get when he chirps it out in public. Why do people insist on looking shocked, I wonder. I could understand amusement but not the raised eyebrow looks I often get. With Jason, people just grinned. Of course, he didn’t chirp out phrases of that sort. Mostly he belted out songs. We would be going down a grocery store aisle and he would suddenly start on a verse of ‘Grand old flag’ or ‘Jingle Bells.’ One Christmas, when he was just over two, we were in Safeway and he started singing his version of Jingle Bells (You know it, no doubt: Jingle Bells, Batman smells, Robin lays an egg…) Anyway, we went past a mom with her three pre-teen sons and when they heard the song, they immediately chimed in. She just rolled her eyes and shook her head. Such is the life of boys.

I remembered another story about Jason – one both sad and funny. It was several weeks back. I was seriously exhausted – a combination of bad allergies, a bad chest cold, and lack of sleep because both boys were sick. I had asked Jason to do something over and over and over again and finally, completely at the end of my rope I screamed at him and grabbing his arm, dragged him to where I wanted him. Then I was horrified, shocked at my behavior. Shudder. It was bad. I sat down and started to cry and Jason came up to me and patted me on the back. “Its okay, mommy.” I said ‘No. It is NOT okay. You are a child. I am an adult. My behavior was inexcusable. I should NEVER behave like that with you, NEVER!’ He patted me again and said ‘It is okay, mommy. You didn’t do anything really bad. You should save up feeling bad for if you do something really stupid like let us run out in front of a car and get run over.’ GAAAKK! He hugged me and I was torn. I was still upset by my behavior but I was also stunned by his philosophical response. Sigh. What can you say to such a child?

The good news is that there hasn’t been a similar situation. Oh I still feel like I am going to go round the bend on occasion – especially when I have had a restless night – but for the most part I manage to maintain some semblance of sanity.

On a different note, I have been thinking and thinking about what to do to make a living. I am still shaking from the possibility of something happening to Tom, to his job. I need to create something to balance that. Relying on one income is just not safe. But the question is what? Tom says, with annoying aplomb, ‘I am sure that when you decide what you are going to do, when you set up your home business, it will be a great success.’ Thanks for the vote of confidence but that is not… helpful. I need to figure out what to do – and I remember my grandfather’s comment (he was a successful entrepreneur). He told me once that the most basic mistake that many would be ‘business’ owners make is that they do not have a five year financial cushion. ‘You need to be able to keep putting money in without expecting money out for at least five years.’ He told me. ‘It may be that you make money immediately. The wise person reinvests that money.’ I do not have a five year cushion, obviously, and until I have a plan I cannot begin targeting money for that cushion. So… I need to work on that. What I really ought to do, I know, is schedule myself the time – just make it a part of the plan. If I don’t, I shall never HAVE the time to do it. Ah well…

August 25

August 25, 2006

HAH! I am awake BEFORE THE BOYS! HAH!!! Of such things are the joys of the moment made. Of course, I have been awake, off and on, through out the night. Not sure what was going on but Xander woke at midnight, 1:30 and 3:30. Sigh. Then Tom, that miserable &*(@# woke up at his usual time, 4:30!!!! How dare he? (Yes, I am distinctly punchy at the moment, in case you hadn’t guessed.) I tried to pull the covers over my head but most of the them had migrated off the side and were trying, instead, to pull me with them! Facing the inevitable with eyes tightly shut, I rolled out of bed – thump, bump, hit the floor – felt that up through my feet! – and slogged off to the shower. Poor Tom has been told that he can’t take hot showers anymore (Dermatologist). I couldn’t stand that. How else is one supposed to get one’s eyes open in the morning? Oh, I know, one could go in the opposite direction – take icy cold showers. That will wake you up. (Grin, I remember the shortest shower my brother, Ian, ever took… he insisted on having a shower before we left the Adirondeck Mountains where we had been camping. The one up at the lodge was busy – lines of people waiting – and we needed to get on the road soonest. ‘Not to worry’ he told us in a lofty tone ‘I saw showers out in the woods.’ Now you have to ask yourself, why didn’t he wonder that no one else was using them? Did he just assume ignorance or stupidity on their parts? Ah well. Off he marched. About 10 minutes later he was back, hair still dripping. Without a word he climbed into the camper and growled ‘Okay, I’m done.’ Nobody said a word. Even we weren’t that fool hardy but later, when we figured he couldn’t hear us, Matt and I had hysterics. My father was sanguine. ‘Cold showers. Very effective.’) Anyway, not for me. I am a cat by nature. Love my comforts, thank you very much. No WAY am I taking cold showers when hot ones are available! So here I am. I have agreed to watch Chris today, Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. Should be interesting. What one can do with two children becomes much more difficult with three… especially if the third is not your own and therefore not aware of the family rules.
We did get the loaner car yesterday, by the by. It stinks of cigarette smoke and is still rather dirty but hopefully we will be able to get the Merc back today sometime in the late afternoon. The good thing is that the vehicle is large enough to carry all three car seats. Sigh. It is a truck, really. Xander and Jason were delighted. Do you remember when something that simple could give you great joy? I am not always sure that I do. I have my moments but there are times when I feel horrendously old – when I realize that I am so busy ‘taking care of things’ that I miss the simple pleasures. That is one thing that children are good at doing: recalling one to the simple moments.

The beach was a simple moment. I stood there, looking out across the storm tossed surf and felt the peace wash over me. It was loud there. A good loud. The sound of sea gulls was barely discernable against the breaking of the waves. The mists were cold and as I stood against the ocean breezes, I could feel all the tensions disappearing, sinking down into the sands. The ocean is good for me. It is my refuge. Always has been. In Hawaii, after a bad day dealing with Sanchia, I would go sit on the cliffs and watch the sea turtles dance. In Ireland, I would go down to the shores and laugh at the sight of the brave/foolish who had dared to swim the Irish seas. I believe in mermaids and the song of the seas. I have heard both. Reclining in a catamaran, piloted by an older Hawaiian gentleman, I heard the song and oh, the blue of it! It called and I very nearly went over the side into the sea. The captain grabbed my shoulder and when I looked at him in surprise said ‘I know that look.’ Oh for the blue of those waters again. The color was so rich it would stain your skin were you to swim in it. I miss the sea.

Jason also fell in love with the sea this time. He wants to go back again. Would that I could take him to the islands where he could actually swim in the water, where he could chase fishes and sharks and dance with turtles. Someday. Someday. Someday soon. I just have to figure the finances, is all! ‘I am collecting things for my aquarium’ he told me, a look of intense concentration in his blue eyes. ‘An aquarium?’ I said, slightly in shock. ‘We don’t have an aquarium!’ ‘Not yet’ he replied, with his sweet smile, and off on little boy feet he ran, scanning the shore for ‘items’ to collect. My mother laughed. Of course, she laughed. Everyone laughs at such things when they are not the ones facing them! Perhaps it is in sympathy… or perhaps in memory. I did have salt water aquariums as a child… And I have told Jason tales – about rescuing rainbow wrasses and lion fish. About banana prawns escaping. About epic battles between lion fish and eels. He comes by his desires honestly.

Xander was less interested in the sea itself (‘WET!’ he informed me seriously, pointing at the tide as it washed in.) and more in the seashore. (‘I be walk the seashore.’ He repeated to anyone who would listen. Then he would march down the sand, watching his foot prints disappearing behind him. At least once he tripped when a particularly interesting footprint filled with water and he turned halfway to watch. He collected rocks and shells and other interesting bits and Mommy carried his pail for him. ‘I be walk the seashore.’ He nodded satisfied. And when we left, he cried.)