Jason

Everytime I think I know my children, they surprise me. Yesterday, on our way home from Tae Kwon Do, Jason said, 'I think Micheala is lonely. I think she needs a friend.' I said 'I thought she had friends, Sklyer, for example?' 'Yes,' he agreed, 'Sklyer is her friend but Skyler and all her other friends are in a different class now.' I said 'I thought that you were her friend.' 'Yes,' he said thoughtfully (with Xander piping up 'I'll be her friend!!!') 'but I think maybe she wants a friend who is... well, her own age...' I asked, 'Why do you think what you think?' He explained that at water break, while everyone else is playing, Michaela stands on the side, looking sad. I thought about it and asked 'So, you have identified a problem now, what can you do?' We discussed it a bit more and he came up with a plan. At the next meeting, before the class, Jason will talk with his friend and fellow green belt, Malia. Then, at water break, he and Malia will ask Michaela -- who is a higher belt -- to help them with their poomse and balchugee.

Jason amazes me. He has a kindness and compassion that seem to extend well beyond the normal range. He has a gift for understanding people -- for example, he noticed, while at a playmate's house, that whenever the boy was angry with his parents, he took it out on the kids he had over. Jason had been hurt by this boy's behavior and I talked with him, trying to make sure that he understood that HE was not at fault (Jason tends to take responsibility for other peoples' emotions and behaviors, sigh.) and it was at that point that he explained about M's behavior and his theory of its cause. He was not approving of M's behavior but he felt compassion for him, for his frustration and his inability to handle it. We agreed that it can be hard when you are angry or frustrated with someone who is bigger or more powerful.

Xander, of course, was quite vocal about his opinion of the situations. He is MORE than willing to be Michaela's friend -- will she like me? Jason was reassuring. 'She already likes you.' And as for M -- Xander was all set to go punch him in the nose. Jason discouraged that saying, 'M. can be nice. He just gets angry sometimes. We all do.'

I worry sometimes. Jason is so sensitive and so willing to accept responsibility for other peoples' behavior and actions. It seems that a big part of his education will be how to differentiate between what is his responsibility and what he must let go.

On the other hand, he is better than most adults in the latter. He was very upset the other day -- don't remember why. I asked him 'Do you remember what the Buddha said that cause of suffering is?' He nodded 'Suffering comes from attachment.' He breathed in and out, a hiccoughing kind of breathing but calming nonetheless. He said to himself, 'I need to let go.' He breathed for a bit more and then took an extra deep breath. 'I'm okay now.' And, amazingly enough, he was.